Shoot the Messenger
}} Qarr and Vaarsuvius discuss options to intercept the dragon. Cast * Vaarsuvius ◀ ▶ * Qarr (also dimensionally locked) ◀ ▶ * Lien ◀ ▶ * Inkyrius ◀ ▶ * Aarindarius ▶ Transcript Vaarsuvius: No. NO! I cannot allow my power to fail me again. If arcane magic cannot solve a problem such as this, then I should never have left my family in order to seek it out... and this would never have happened. Vaarsuvius: There must be a solution, I simply need to concentrate to find it. Qarr returns, looking healed. Qarr: Wow, that come out of the blue, huh? Qarr: "What a tweest!" Vaarsuvius: SILENCE! I am attempting to focus my thoughts you worthless cretin! Vaarsuvius: It is like thinking through quicksand... Qarr: Hey, hey, calm down. Listen, for what it's worth, I'm on your side here. Let me help. Free of charge. Vaarsuvius: Why? What are your motives for doing so? Qarr: If I told you my motives and they were not to your liking, would you have the luxury of rejecting any help that I could then offer? Vaarsuvius: ...No, I suppose I would not. Vaarsuvius: Very well, then teleport me to the Elven Homelands, to the tower of Master Aarindarius, the elf who taught me magic. Vaarsuvius: Dispel Magic. Qarr: Now hold on, I can only— Vaarsuvius: I have freed you from my abjuration, now teleport me to my master's tower NOW! Qarr: HEY! Listen to me! I can't DO that! I'm only capable of teleporting myself and 50 pounds of unliving material! Vaarsuvius: ... Vaarsuvius: Then you shall relay a message instead, since I did not prepare Sending this morning. Flash forward to a hypothetical future where Qarr delivers V's message to his former master in the Elven Lands. Qarr teleports in with a "POP!" Vaarsuvius (inset): No, wait, Aarindarius would never believe a fiend, even if you could penetrate the tower's defenses... Qarr: Hello? I have a message here for—AAAAH!!! Aarindarius offhandedly kills Qarr with a single spell. Qarr (inset): What about your pals on the boat? Flash foward to another hypothetical future where Qarr delivers his message to Lien. Qarr teleports in with a "POP!" Qarr: Hello? I have a message here for—AAAAH!! Lien: SMITE EVIL! Lien: Ha! Lord Hinjo, I found the imp! Vaarsuvius (inset): Even less likely, given that they have legitimate grievances against you, specifically. Cut back to Tiny Island. Vaarsuvius: At any rate, they do not possess the ability to intercept the dragon. Qarr: Really? It said it was worried about attacking the fleet... Vaarsuvius: Yes, and the fleet remains hundreds of miles away from my home village! They have no means of arriving in time. Qarr: How long do you think your mate could hold off an ancient black dragon? If I managed to beat her there and raise the alarm? Vaarsuvius: My mate? My MATE?!? Vaarsuvius: My mate is an apprentice baker, you moron!! Flash forward to an hypothetical future where Qarr delivers his message to Inkyrius. Qarr teleports in with a "POP!"' '' '''Qarr': Hello? I have a message here for— Inkyrius: AAAAH!!! Vaarsuvius (inset): What possible preparations could a pastry chef make to increase their chances of fighting a dragon?!? Cut back to Tiny Island. Vaarsuvius: I know, you could relay knowledge of the secret gap in the dragon's underbelly scales that is the exact size and shape of a banana nut muffin! Qarr: Yeah, OK, good, and then your mate could throw the— Vaarsuvius: THERE IS NO SUCH GAP! Qarr: Well, excuse me, I didn't get as close a look as you did. Yeesh. D&D Context * Dispel Magic, a 3rd level spell, cancels ongoing magical effects. * Qarr is a sorcerer, but it is not clear whether his teleport ability is an inherent ability or a spell. Since his teleport ability is more limited than the spell, it seems likely to be a (non-canonical) spell-like ability of an Imp. * Sending is a 5th level spell that allows short verbal communication with a known subject across arbitrary distances (even between planes of existance). * Lien uses her Smite Evil paladin class feature to do extra damage to Qarr in panel 7. Trivia * The title inverts the ancient proverb "Don't shoot the messenger", due to Qarr's (and most devils') status as persona non grata among most inhabitants of the world. * In panel 2, Qarr line, "What a tweest!" references an episode of the Adult Swim cartoon show Robot Chicken, “S&M Present”, in a segment titled “The Twist” aired on April 17th, 2005. In the episode, a clay-animated character parodying M. Night Shyamalan says the line after a twist ending is revealed. * Vaarsuvius' sarcastic suggestion about a gap in the dragon's scales is a reference to the weakness of Smaug, the great dragon and primary antagonist in J.R.R. Tolkien's 1937 novel, The Hobbit. He is ultimately killed by a arrow which pierces his belly where a single scale had gone missing in his armored hide. * This is the first appearance of Aarindarius, Vaarsuvius' teacher. External Links * 630}} View the comic * 104483}} View the discussion thread Category:Uses Dispel Magic Category:Uses Teleport Category:Uses Smite Evil Category:Vaarsuvius Makes a Deal with the Devil(s)